Insight Synthesis

Most people suffering with depression or anxiety never think about trying psychiatric drugs. Medications like Zoloft, Prozac, Effexor, etc are something some of the most depressed people I know would never consider trying. Can you fix depression without meds? Of course. Keyword here is can as in it’s a possibility, but there’s nothing more futile than trying to fix depression on your own; Here’s why:

Depression makes you indifferent, unmotivated and mentally blocked. It disables you. When you’re depressed, you don’t feel like doing anything. In this state it’s nearly impossible to fix your sleep schedule, exercise regularly, get out and socialize, and do anything else you might try as a ‘natural alternative’ to hard pharmaceutical chemicals. How many people that refuse to take meds because they can fix depression “on their own” actually get anything done? Nearly all the ones I know have been doing… literally nothing for the past 5 years.

Most people shouldn’t take meds, but there’s a certain number of people who are disabled because of depression. They’ve been depressed for years, probably decades, and have no idea how bad their situation is, or how much potential (and time) they’re wasting. It’s only after you’ve experienced depression, gotten over it, and fell back into it, that you realize how evil and paralyzed depression can be. It pushes your attention inwards, forcing you to just sit and think, not about fixing a problem, but about how many problems you have. About all the should ofs and and how you could of been had you did this instead of that. All the things you missed out. The last thing on your mind in this state is to get up and do.. anything.

Some people can drive themselves out of the hole, but some people can’t. These people need a kick. Sometimes a life changing experience (a death, a major accident, an acid trip etc)  can be a strong enough kick to completely turn things around. But when that’s not possible, consider fixing your brain chemistry the modern way.

One reason people are against psychiatric medication is because they don’t believe the chemical imbalance theory. And that’s OK; It’s shaky and there are numerous other (some more plausible) theories centering around brain chemistry and external/psychological issues. But so what? That doesn’t mean medication doesn’t work. Food, exercise, alcohol, Cannabis, ‘shrooms, a hit to the head, and plenty of other things can alter your state of mind chemically. There’s nothing wrong with that. Psychiatric drugs work pretty damn well even if you’re not depressed. The goal is to get you out of the loop you’re in and back on track. Drugs don’t need to be taken permanently, but in most cases, doing so isn’t even harmful. It’s normal to feel like eating natural foods is safe, while taking synthetic drugs isn’t, but there’s no logic behind this. It’s just something people believe instinctively and never bothered questioning.

Another reason people might be against meds is the cost. Pills are expensive. The cost of 1 year’s supply of some medications might be more expensive than taking an organic chemistry course and buying the equipment and precursors to synthesize the drugs yourself. Even some generic meds go for hundreds a month. Doctor visits are also pricey. Truth it: whether you’re unemployed, freelancing, 15 or 25 or 55 years old, you need insurance if you’re living in the United States. And nearly every plan (Medicaid too) covers antidepressants and anxiolytics.

Hell, Walmart has $4 generics. Point is, the cost isn’t an excuse. Most of us don’t mind paying $200-300 a month for gas, we do it because it’s a necessity, or it’s just convenient. When you’re depressed, you’ll end up failing all your $700 courses anyway, you won’t be able to work, and you’ll be spending money constantly on other health related problems stemming from the depression. Pay on credit. If you can’t make a few hundred dollars a month (those that have to), don’t you think you certainly need help in one form or another? See it as a necessity. There’s help if you seek it but unfortunately, it’s unlikely you’ll seek anything if you’re depressed. You need to make the first move. Take intiative. Do instead of think.

Another common excuse for not trying drugs is the negative stigma attached with having a mental illness diagnosis on your permanent health records. It’s a valid excuse (if you’re a paranoid schizophrenic), but ultimately it doesn’t make any sense. Nobody is going to see your records, and if they do, who cares? Who cares if you don’t get hired at some shitty firm just because the employer thinks you’re weak because you’re depressed? You’d be surprised how many people you find healthy, active and happy have a slew of mental disorders on their papers. It’s fine. It’s probably stylish. Either that or spend 10 years brooding around in your room living your entire life in your head and hoping things will get better on their own eventually – basically what depression is like.

I remember reading mental illness is usually diagnosed after 4-8 years. Way too much time to waste; To spend sitting around doing nothing. Get medicated. It rocks. And for those that still refuse to, make a note of how you’re situation is now, and then go over that note 5 years from now, and then take meds. I have a friend who’s depressed. He’s talented, but nearly all his potential is going to waste. He has been literally taking the same courses every semester for the past few years (fails them), and is always on a pattern of being social, then blocking everybody out, closing off communication for a few weeks/months, and going back into a major depression. It’s only getting worse, as all his friend’s graduate, and he beats himself up over wasting half a decade – he has no memories of the past 5 years because he’s been doing nothing.

There’s nothing worse than sitting around reading all the negative side effects of antidepressants. There’s a lot. Nobody doubts this, but you’re naturally looking for reasons you could use to justify not trying them. There’s nothing scarier than reading the negative effects of any drug you’re thinking about taking, even if you’ve been taking it for years with no problem. Sad thing is, depression itself is worse than 99% of the side effects you might (but probably won’t) experience. Just because you read a forum post with 200 comments saying “didn’t work for me!,” “made me a zombie” etc, doesn’t mean you will have the same experience. The people the drugs worked for are unlikely to be sitting around reading about the drugs anyway. And the people with bad experiences most likely didn’t give the drugs a chance. Took them for a week, had a headache and quit.

Many people who are depressed might have fantasies of running away, starting over, going to live in places like Tibet, “nature,” etc. This is common and many people suffering from mental illness have this. It’s considered a symptom. Give it a try – it won’t work. You’ll feel depressed where ever you go because your brain chemistry is broken. The brain is a physical thing. It’s very complicated, and there’s no guarantee it’s perfect. Your arms aren’t the same size, your face isn’t perfectly symmetrical, and your brain isn’t 100% perfect – and certainly not performing at its peak. This isn’t that big of a deal, and it’s best if you fix it and move on instead of dwelling on what you can’t change.

Not everybody who’s depressed needs medication. In fact, most don’t. This argument is for those who are unable to get out of the hole they’re getting themselves into. Finding justifications for their problems by blaming society and the government. Your life is in your hands and it’s up to you get up and fix it. If you feel medication isn’t right for you, then don’t bother trying it, but try something. Don’t just sit there thinking problems get fixed on their own. I’m all for the “I’ll just ignore it and eventually it’ll fix itself” solution, and that works for many things, but not for mental illness. It’s easy to hope your brain can magically fix itself, but half a decade of depression should be a big clear signal that it can’t. No matter how much the man with no arms believes he can become a pro boxer, it won’t happen.

The evil thing about depression is that it poisons your logic. We can justify anything to ourselves. Getting over depression first requires getting over the idea that you’re mentally capable of fixing yourself. Admit to yourself that your brain is temporarily out of order, and currently unable to form logic that fits the framework of a (mentally) healthy person. Outsource all your thinking and opinion forming to somebody who’s trained enough for the job. Don’t become a helpless zombie. Just accept the fact that you need help.

Specific goals are important. They provide a direction, and more importantly, a finish line. Here’s what happens when you set goals, but don’t get specific enough.

On the whiteboard went a list of sites I planned on releasing for the month. The only thing I wrote was “Next Sites Up” with a check off list of 5 sites. Obviously no thought was given to the goal, although the sites were small and I had a general idea of what I wanted to do with each one.

I began working on each site, but a week later noticed that I was only focusing on the 1-2 sites that I enjoyed working on. Which is fine, except I had no idea if the sites were done or not. What was the goal, again?

What does “releasing a site” mean, anyway? Should the sites have a specific amount of content? Should the code or content by refactored or revised? What ended up happening was, 4 sites were barely started (2 of which weren’t touched), and 1 had too many drafts and content for me to work on before losing interest. The month goes by and I look at the whiteboard again and feel discouraged that zero sites have gone up, more so because I did put in the time required to “release” all the sites on time, whatever that means.

To get over this, I created sub-tasks for each goal. I began by using the first 2-3 days of every month to plan out the goals for the month, and using Trac, created only 3-5 tasks for each site. The very essentials that I _hated_ doing, were the first things I needed to get off the todo list. I only put down the absolute minimum amount of work needed to get the sites up and running, knowing that once they were, adding things here and there was no longer a turn off since a foundation was in place.

A goal should have a general timeframe, and a set of actionable tasks, both of which should be realistic. This applies to any goals you set. When it comes time to actually put in the effort and finish a task, if it requires any sort of thinking, and there are other things you could be doing that are either 1) more enjoyable (like the sites I enjoy worked on) or 2) require no thinking (mundane, mindless tasks, like dishes), then you’re going to avoid doing what you have to do. It’s easy to rationalize not doing something important when you can tell yourself that you’re something productive anyway.

Remember that productive for you, doesn’t mean “producing results,” but “producing results that matter.”

Here’s something we’ve all experienced. You wake up late, and miracourasly get dressed and out the door in minutes. But had you been awake 2 hours earlier, would you have gotten ready as quickly? For most of us, it would have taken us 2 hours to get ready.

If you have a lot of time to complete a task, you’ll make plans, organize yourself, and get “ready” to work. In the end, you spend 80% of that time just organizing papers and thinking, but not actually working on anything. In the end, all your work would total only about 5-10% of the allocated time the task was assigned.

I know that if I’m coding something, and have a big gap of time, I either won’t start doing anything until I absolutely have to, or, I’ll begin by taking my sweet time coming up with neat flow charts, and coding every possible scenario that “could” happen into my program. Whereas if I was pressed for time, I would only code the bare essentials. What’s the task? OK. (12 hours later) This program completes that task.

I noticed that I personally take a lot of time because I wanna ensure high quality in whatever I’m doing. What I’ve been failing to realize was that a finished product of the lowest quality is 100% better than having an incomplete product of higher caliber. Indeed, I usually end up having NO product.

I’ve thought about this for a long time but didn’t know until about a year ago that it’s known (and therefore deems me sane): Parkinson’s Law

Time is interesting. Most of us will agree that there isn’t enough time in the day, but the truth is that we waste more than enough time to finish everything we need to. Feeling like you never have enough time just means that you aren’t managing your time. Here’s what I thought about and observed, in myself and others.

You wake up in the morning, and you have 2 hours before you need to get to class. During those two hours, would you get any work done? Most people won’t. They will justify not getting anything done with “can’t really do anything in 2 hours, I’ll do it later.”

You go to class, and then come home and have another 2 hours before you need to head off to work. Again, using the same logic, those two hours are wasted reading blargs or watching TV, or doing something very productive that’s NOT what you’re actually supposed to be doing (this is a very interesting habit us procrastinaters have).

After work, you justify wasting a few hours by telling yourself that you’re too tired to do the work anyway, and it would be best if you get some sleep and do it in the morning.

Now looking back through this day, it might have felt like you had no time to get anything done because of classes and work, but at least 6 free hours were wasted doing nothing. So when people say “I don’t have time,” what they really mean is, “I don’t have a 10+ hour gap of time in which to get this done.” Which might be true, but

So the meaning of “wasting time” doesn’t just apply to wasting large gaps of time, but to not make productive use of the free, fragmented hours you get here and there. Besides, if you had 10+ free hours, it’s not like you would have done any more than 1-2 hours of work anyway, right?

Does it really matter if you wanted or really intended to do something, but ended up just not doing it? As far as the rest of the world is concerned, there’s probably absolutely no difference. In fact, many times it’s better to just admit to yourself that you’re not going to do it and get the weight off your shoulders. Here’s an example of something that happened to me.

I remember I was more than halfway through my semester, and my professor calls me over and says, “it’s near the end of the term and you have not handed ANYTHING in.” I was shocked that time went by as quick as it did, and looking back, I was intending on doing all the missed assignments since the first week of the semester. I attended every class, paid attention, did most of the work (all except missed papers), but deep down I just kept putting the task off.

The intention to make up the work was strong at first, but began fading from my memory the longer I put it off. Eventually, though I still definitely intended on doing the work the next day, the thought would remain in my in my “mental RAM,” subconsciously making me anxious and depressed for months. I couldn’t enjoy my free time because deep down I knew that I had work to finish.

In hindsight, had I dropped the class early on, I wouldn’t have had the weight on my shoulders, and could have probably been more productive in other things I was doing, and if not, then the stress-relief alone would have been a significant pro in itself.

The point of this fairy tale? Just wanting something doesn’t matter. You have to actually do it. I know too many people other than me who have this evil habit. It’s actually quite common, but most people just don’t notice they do it. Every time you put something off, it’s put into a queue, and nearly everything in that queue will NEVER get done.

Sometimes it’s best to stop things from dragging on aimlessly and to liberate yourself. Say “fuck it. This is very important and beneficial, but I’m just never gonna do it,” and take it off your todo list.

The TEA Form Exercise is a great way of getting rid of negative thinking patterns. It is a simple technique founded and documented by Sam Obitz in his book Been There, Done That? Do This!

Unfortunately, the technique doesn’t seem to be documented very well outside his book, and his book is only available from its main site. I feel that many people can benefit from this technique, but I also know that a lot of people aren’t willing to buy the book. This thread will serve as a comprehensive guide on the TEA Form Exercise.

It takes a few months for the new more objective thinking to take hold and that’s when the benefits really started to grow for me. I got glimpses of them working early on but they seem pick up speed when they have more in your brain to attach to. It was eerily cool to be in situations that had always caused me great anxiety and to suddenly realize that I wasn’t freaking out at all. It was like an out of body experience and eventually I realized, that was what it was like to be for most people and how it felt to get out of your head and live in the moment. I think if you keep TEA forming you will soon have that same experience. The best advice I received and can give is that once you start to feel better keep doing them! It took years to get the bad habits that cause the anxiety and those habits won’t go away without a fight. I notice when I stop doing them for extended periods the anxiety slowly begins to creep back in.

THEORY

A lot of our thoughts, worries and ideas are based on exaggeration, misconception and just plain false info. We make judgments and decisions based on these erroneous ideas, and most of our anxiety is unfounded — baseless. If we can analyze this information logically, from an outside point of view, then we can change our thinking habits by replacing them with positive thoughts based on logic.

The TEA Form is a basic exercise designed to do just that. It is a way of countering your spontaneous ideas by looking at them from a distance to evaluate their basis and locate fallacies.The beauty of the TEA form lies in its simplicity. It doesn’t require anything you don’t already have, and can be done anywhere, anytime.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED

You only need paper and a pen.

You may substitute digitally, but a desktop/laptop isn’t a good idea. A Blackberry or any other PDA may be used, but I recommend starting out just using paper or a little pocket-sized notebook and a pen.

The basic idea is to be able to jot down notes somewhere permanent. You will be creating a database of thoughts that you will need to refer back to from time to time, so the portability of what you’re using should be taken into account.

I use a little pocket-sized notebook and a pen. I take these everywhere I go.

BASICS

The exercise involves jotting down one’s thought or idea, followed by what thought patterns or thinking fallacies this idea is based on. An example of a negative or illogical thought pattern is globalization (forming an opinion about something in general, based on one isolated incident), or ignoring the positive (downplaying the good and exaggerating the bad). Don’t worry about what all the thought patterns are or what they mean just yet, as they will be explained in more detail below.

A thought can have many fallacies, and all that apply should be listed. Following this, one looks at the thought again and begins to use logic to deconstruct it to its basic core, which will be one or all of the fallacies listed.

This sounds complicated, and might not sound practical enough to do for all or more of your negative thoughts during the day, but it’s very simple in practice. There will be a few examples given below.

FORMAT

Sam Obitz recommends having three columns on a paper, designated for (left to right) negative thought, fallacies, and positive/logical argument against the negative thought. This works great on standard sized paper, but not so well digitally or on pocket sized notebooks.

It’s really up to you how you decide to format this, but it just needs to be easy to read, otherwise you’ll be unlikely to add or refer back to it. I like to just have 3 labels followed by some space, for each idea. Here’s an example. I come home and see my houseplant on the floor and the cat just staring at me. Here’s what might go through my mind:

THOUGHT: F’ing mess. Why would I keep the plant there? I’m dumb. I just cleaned the carpet. I hate cats. what a waste of time.. I just spent all day working and now I’m stuck cleaning this shit up.
RULES: Naming, blowing things out of proportion, emotional blocking.
LOGIC: I shouldn’t have placed the plant I knew my cat liked, at the edge of a table. Shit happens. I’ll vacuum it, no biggie. It won’t take more than a few minutes to clean up and it won’t happen again.

etc..

The thought is something that happened, usually something I’m thinking which is negative, either causing stress or just wasting my time. The rules are a list of all the silly errors in the logic of my thought. Blowing things out of proportion, for example, means that my thought is making a mountain out of a mole hill. Naming is putting labels on yourself (“I’m dumb”) or others. The labels really don’t do anything except cause stress.

NEGATIVE THINKING RULES

Jump to conclusions: Overestimating the likelihood and severity of a negative event. Your thought is unrealistic and much worse than what ends up happening (sometimes nothing even happens).

Blowing things out of proportion: Taking a small problem (that when examined logically, isn’t the end of the world) and exaggerating it or making it catastrophic. “If I fail this test. My life is over.”

Extreme thinking: Seeing things as either good or bad; No middle ground or compromise. Common with perfectionism. Example: “I am late for class. No point in going now.”

Globalising: Using one instance of an event as proof or evidence for a general, universal thought. “I got that one wrong. I’m stupid.” or “Whoa, I almost fell. God, I’m so clumsy.”

Emotional blocking: Giving your emotions more importance than facts or reality. Thoughts are not facts. – Sam Obitz. Example: You think, “I don’t feel like going to class,” so you don’t.

Reality filter: Your thought focuses on one small detail, with no regard for the big picture.

Ignoring the positive: A grim view; Emphasizing the negative, while de-emphasizing the positive. “I got lucky, and 2nd place isn’t even good. I should have been 1st. I suck.”

Omnipotence error: Thinking you are responsible for events outside your control. This is sometimes hard to become aware of until you notice other people doing it. Sometimes shit happens.

Counterproductive motivation: Using coercion on yourself or others; Doesn’t work and almost always does harm in some way, even if the intentions are good. Examples: “I NEED to learn this!” or “He needs to be more responsible.” (Also see Wikipedia → ‘coercion’)

Naming: Labeling yourself or others. This just increases stress and weakens your judgment, and the labels are wrong. It also serves no real purpose. Examples: “I’m retarded” or “that asshole can’t drive!”

EXAMPLES

.. TODO ..

CHEAT SHEETS / TOOLS

The following is a pocket sized cheat sheet I created that you may print out and carry around with you. It assumes that you know what the rules mean, as it only lists a general one line about each one. Remember that these aren’t the only rules, and you may add your own as you see fit. The important thing is being able to quickly determine what the flaw in your thinking is and move on.

.. TODO: Need to upload this ..

This is a draft.

There are plenty of software solutions and tweaks that will make you more productive, but the things I do in meatspace have the biggest impact.

1) Always have a little notebook and a pen. This lets you get ideas and thoughts out of your head and onto paper so you can focus on whatever you’re doing. I always carry a Moleskin notebook and a free Commerce Bank TD Bank pen.

2) Get a whiteboard, or any surface you can write on that will be prominent and near you when you’re working. I have a whiteboard with a list of routines I check off as I go through the day.

3) Get a kitchen timer. An alarm clock or a phone timer are decent, but they’re too much work. Software is also too much work. A kitchen timer is $3-10 and lets you allocate an amount of time to a task quickly. Just twist. Make sure it’s not too loud, though I don’t recommend digital because of the added complexity. The ticking sound puts me in a hurry-the-hell-up mindset, like I’m diffusing a bomb. The perfect timer would be one that has 1 big red button that you press to countdown 1 hour.

4) Use your calendar. I suggest Google Calendar because it syncs easily with my computers, Blackberry, and it’s accessible from anywhere. The convenience outweighs the paranoia of an Internet based calendar.

5) If you drink coffee, dilute and sip it throughout the day. This is more effective than one heavy dose. If you aren’t a coffee drinker, then an energy drink will do, though the stronger ones do have a crash (despite what they tell you.) No matter what your Speed is, diluted is better than a shot. This applies to pills also. A crash will cause mental fatigue and irritation and ruin the rest of the day.

6) Print out papers you’re reading or plan to read online. This gives you a chance to catch up on your reading on the bus, and with ink so expensive, it will cut down on what you read – thereby increasing quality. I got this tip from Getting Things Done.

7) Get at least two monitors. I said no computer stuff, but this is tangible, and it’s something often overlooked. Getting a second monitor increased my productivity 10-fold. I can have my calendar or have a site, debugging tools or reference manuals open in one monitor, while I code in the other. You’d be surprised how much time you actually waste dragging shit around. Two smaller monitors are better than 1 bigger monitor.

8) Wake up at the same time daily. Staying up late feels productive, but it actually takes 2 hours to complete a 20 minute task. It’s also much harder to wake up early; Make it a challenge. We take it for granted, but did you know that if you wake up at 6 AM, you have 6 hours before afternoon? Crazy. I have a coworker that wakes up early and begins work at 5 AM. He finishes his work day at 12-1 PM.

9) If you don’t have your own office or a room dedicated for work, you need ear plugs. You can blame your wife, pet or family for bothering you while you work, but they aren’t doing anything abnormal. Distractions are to be expected, and it’s up to you to give the message that you can’t be distracted for the next N hours. This means no phone calls, no requests, no “one quick question”s, nothing they wouldn’t do if you were working in a corporate office 30 miles away.

10) Take frequent breaks. The 80/20 rule is hard to follow but will greatly increase productivity. I try to take a 10 minute break every 1-2 hours. I also try to do something completely off the computer every few hours. Work out, meditate, take a walk, etc. This helps your brain incubate and reduces headaches and eye strains you might get from excessive computer use.
Exercise and a proper diet are a given. If you feel you don’ t have enough time in the day, work on managing your time. Time management is damn hard and is something most people won’t learn until they have kids and a job.

Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not – nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not – unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not – the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘press on’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.

-Calvin Coolidge